Smartphone Apps for Families

Besides transferring all your contacts (and figuring out how to block those spam calls), the most important thing when you get a new smartphone is to install all the apps that will make your life easier.  And probably a few games, as well.

Most phones come with some preloaded apps to get you started, and there are many, many more available through Google Play, Amazon, and even your provider.

Because families today are getting busier and busier, many are using smartphones to make their lives easier, more efficient and meaningful. U.S. Cellular offers several apps specifically to help with that and to help people enjoy Better Moments with family.  Two of those are the Family Organizer and U.S. Cellular's new Family Protector.

Family Organizer helps you manage your busy family with a centralized calendar, shopping lists, to do lists and a family journal that everyone can share on the go.  It's like an updated version of the family wall calendar/schedule - only this one goes with everyone in the family everywhere they go.  Which is good, because busy families may not be home enough to actually read that calendar on the wall.

The Family Protector app is one I wish we'd had when my kids were still at home.  Of course, we would have had to have to have smartphones back then, too, but that's beside the point.  This app allows parents to monitor and control usage on their children's cell phones.  You can monitor text messages, photos, and call history as well as restricting apps, blocking websites, and setting time limits and schedules for when your children can talk, text, or browse the internet.  The app will also allow you to monitor your child's location, which could be a matter of life and death should, God forbid, something happen.  It's also a great way of making sure your teenager is where she says she is. (not that mine would ever have told me otherwise.  Uh, yeah)

When Beth would go to visit friends, we always had her call when she got there so we'd know she got there safely - and the caller ID would show whose phone she was calling from so we could see that she was where she said she was.  Then she got a cell phone, and she'd still call to let us know she got there, except that because she was calling from the cell phone, she could have been calling from anywhere.

I'm not necessarily advocating the Family Protector app as a way to spy on your teenagers, but it could work that way, and because it cannot be uninstalled without a password, there would be nothing they could do about it.  I do think it's a good way to protect your children and, yes, teenagers too.  Our kids didn't get cell phones until they were ready to drive, and then I wanted them to have the phones just in case they had car trouble or something else happened when they were out on the road.  It's hard to believe we all used to drive everywhere all the time without those phones!  But, while our kids didn't have phones until they were a bit older, many families are choosing to give their kids phones at earlier ages so that they can always keep in touch and keep up with their busy schedules.

That doesn't always mean the kids are ready for or responsible enough to handle having a cell phone and everything that goes along with it.  I've heard great stories about moms who set all kinds of rules and guidelines for phone use - and those stories circulate widely because the rest of us are so impressed at the way those moms handled the phone situation, and we wonder why we didn't think of that!  Oh, my kids had basic rules like don't text and drive and don't spend all night texting or talking on the phone, but I wasn't very good at checking up on them or really being able to enforce those rules.  I mean, I didn't even think about checking their phones regularly just to see who they were calling, when they were calling, what kind of texts they were sending and receiving, etc.

If only I'd had an app...  Or this customizable Parent-Child Agreement from U.S. Cellular has provided to help parents think about guidelines and phone responsibility.  It has some basic guidelines to get you started, and you can remove, edit or add your own guidelines that work best for you and your child, and that fit within your family.

So, if you've got kids with cell phones, that's great because I know, with the right apps and guidelines, they help families keep in touch and keep organized, but if you're looking for a good way to monitor your kids' phone usage and enforce the cell phone rules you've set, be sure to check out the Family Protector app.  It's free to try for 30 days and then $9.99/month after that for up to 5 devices.

Are there any other apps you've found useful for your family and that you'd recommend to other moms?  Feel free to share them here.  

Disclosure: I am being compensated for my participation in the U.S. Cellular Better Moments Blogger Brigade as well as receiving a new phone.  My experiences with and opinions of U.S. Cellular are 100% mine.

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Summer Vacation Can Be Deadly

A friend posted this on Facebook today, and I thought it was definitely worth a share - especially since school is about over for the year, and many of us will have young people with some extra time on their hands.

Summer vacation can be deadly.

A survey completed by the Love and Logic Institute found 75 percent of American adults believe teenagers today face more serious, potentially life-threatening decisions than a generation ago. These decisions, combined with a strong dose of hormones and the vacations and parties that come with summer, can challenge the most sensible teenagers. Fortunately, there are some simple, time-tested tips for parents who want their teens to make cool decisions as the weather gets warmer.

Tip #1: Don't fall into the trap of thinking teens no longer need their parents.

Because their adolescents are becoming more independent, many parents believe it's okay to leave them without supervision for hours on end. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Wise parents understand this, and they recognize teens need a watchful, yet friendly eye.

Tip #2: Set enforceable limits.

Teens need and want limits. However, instead of telling your teen what they should do, experiment with telling them what you will do or what you will allow. Instead of, "Be home on time," experiment with something like, "I share the car keys with those who come home on time." Instead of, "Don't hang out with Steve. He's trouble," try, "Feel free to see Steve when I know there is adult supervision."

Tip #3: Hold them accountable with empathy and logical consequences.

Parents who provide consequences with anger create teens that think, "When I make poor decisions, it makes others really mad. I better not get caught." Parents who replace anger with a genuine dose of empathy or sadness raise teens who know, "When I make poor decisions it makes my life really sad. For my sake, I'd better make wise ones!"

Tip #4: When you are too angry or worried to think - delay the consequence.

If your teen does something that throws you off balance, buy some time by saying, "I'm going to have to do something about this. But not now …later…try not to worry." Take some time to calm down and get some ideas from friends.

Every day, parents around the world are finding their lives made easier with these tips. One parent commented, "I came home from work to find my 16-year-old daughter and six of her friends had scattered pizza, chips, and dip all over my new carpet! I was furious. Luckily, I remembered the advice from Love and Logic and how to delay consequences. All I managed to say was, 'I'd better calm down first. We'll talk later. Try not to worry.' By the next day, she already had a good plan for selling enough of her things to hire some carpet cleaners!"

Our audio CD, Hormones & Wheels, includes plenty of ideas for setting enforceable limits, providing effective consequences, and dealing with other common challenges that arise during the teenage years.

Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.

Dr. Charles Fay

Love and Logic® provides simple solutions and practical techniques to help parents with kids of all ages.

No More Teenagers

It's hard to believe, but as of this moment, I am no longer the mom of any teenagers.  My precious darling son - my youngest, my 'baby' - is 20 years old!

Twenty.

It just doesn't seem possible.  How does the time go so fast?  Here's what you need to learn from this - if you have little people in your life, enjoy every single minute with them!  Take the time to sit down and snuggle and read books and play.  Listen to their silly stories and the dreams they have.  Laugh with them.  Enjoy them.  Because, next thing you know, they'll be all grown up.

And then?  Well, I guess continue to enjoy them, while celebrating the fact that they're all grown up and should be able to take care of themselves.  Though it's nice when they still need you.  And miss you.

And now for some cuteness:

He was awful cute, wasn't he? 
(I don't have the baby Cory pictures scanned in, so this is from when he was about 2)

Happy Birthday, sweet son!  I love you very much!

Smooth Operator

Image by Gabriela Camerotti via Flickr

Going through some old magazines so I can toss them, I found this story in Reader's Digest.  It made me laugh so I had to share.

My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out.  "I know," he replied.  "It's a fad me and some of the guys started."  Weeks later, as the style persisted, I commented, "I can't stand it!  Every time I see that, I want to fix it for you."  I gently tucked the tag in place and rumpled his hair.  "Yeah," he said, smiling slyly.  "All the girls do."

-Contributed by Laurie W. Sargent

Boys!

Of course, my son never had to resort to such things. 

More Texting = More Sex

Teens who text 120 times a day or more — and there seems to be a lot of them — are more likely to have had sex or used alcohol and drugs than kids who don't send as many messages, according to provocative new research.

Read more on Yahoo News

 I heard this on the news the other day, and my first thought was, who came up with the idea to study this?  Second, with all that time they're spending on sending and receiving text messages, how do they find time for sex or any other risky behavior?

After reading through the article, I see they're not saying that texting actually leads to sex or other risky behavior like drinking and using drugs, but just that they found an apparent link.  Is it just a coincidence?  Or is it as the study concludes - that a significant number of teens are very susceptible to peer pressure and also have permissive or absent parents?

What do you think?  How do we find that line between keeping an eye on our teenagers and stepping back and letting them grow up?

How Do You Feel About Spying on Your Teenagers?

First let me say that I didn't really spy on my kids.  Too much.  It wasn't really that I thought it was wrong or an invasion of privacy - though Beth would have definitely complained about that if she had thought I was spying on her.  It's more that I didn't think about it until later.

Beth used to hang out with her friends in the basement, and there were times when it would have been really nice to have some kind of hidden camera down there so we could keep an eye on them.  As it is, we just randomly went down and checked on them once in a while, but with a camera, it wouldn't have been so random.  I wonder how long it would have taken Beth to figure out how we knew what was going on down there?  Or maybe she just would have figured that parents know everything, and she couldn't get away with anything.

After she'd been driving a while, I started thinking we should have installed a vehicle tracking device on the car, so we could have checked up on her and made sure she was where she said she was when she said she was.  There were some times I'm pretty sure she was lying, but there was no real way to prove it.   That tracking device would have answered all the questions.

So the question is - should you spy on your teenagers?  How do you feel about it?  Is it something you would consider?  I'm thinking that I would have done it, if only I'd thought of it in the beginning, but instead of hiding the camera, I'd put it right out in the open, and I'd tell her her car was being tracked.  That way she'd know we were keeping an eye on her - maybe not all the time, but she'd never know when.  Just a little incentive to make sure she was behaving herself.  And, of course, we'd have to keep an eye on Cory, too, or we'd hear about how unfair it was - though he never quite needed watching the same way she did.

They Should Have to Buy Condoms

Last week the Milwaukee school board decided that they would make free condoms available in the schools. Some people worry that making condoms available will encourage teenagers to have sex. Others argue that teenagers are going to have sex, so the most important thing is to make sure they're safe. I personally hate that attitude and the whole idea that we really can't expect teenagers to have any standards or values. That attitude may actually be what encourages teens to have sex, because after all, if everyone thinks they're already doing it, and clearly everyone else is already doing it, then they might as well go ahead and do it, right?

I suppose the ones who are going to have sex are going to have it, so giving them condoms isn't going to change anything there. It just seems that if we're going to be all accepting (which I'm really not) of teenagers engaging in an adult activity, that they should be expected to step up, be responsible, and actually buy condoms instead of having someone hand them out for FREE. Handing out free condoms may or may not encourage teenagers to have sex, but it seems to encourage them to expect something for nothing and really doesn't encourage responsibility.

At least the taxpayers won't be paying.

You Could Carry the Olympic Torch

I was in college in Pasadena, California when the Olympics came to Los Angeles in 1984. One day, quite by accident, me and a few of my friends happened to be on the street when the Olympic torch went by. It was quite exciting just watching the runner carry the torch down the street, vicariously being a part of something important. Imagine actually being that runner.

Now, thanks to SOGO Active, when the Olympics come to Vancouver in 2010, over 1,000 Canadian teenagers will have the opportunity to be an Olympic torchbearer. They don't have to be outstanding athletes, they just have to become an active member of the SOGO Active community and demonstrate a commitment to a healthy lifestyle. SOGO Active makes it easy, too. Registration is free, and it's open to 13-19 years old. Using SOGO, Canadian teenagers can plan activities with their friends, find activities in their communities, and track their progress.

I love the idea of this. If young people get in the habit of leading active lives, hopefully that will stick with them for the rest of their lives. SOGO understands that people, probably especially teenagers, are more likely to do something if someone else is doing it too, or if someone is counting on them to be there. Back when I started walking every morning with my neighbors, it certainly worked for us. There were mornings every one of us wanted to just go back to sleep, but we knew the others were waiting for us, so we got up, and we walked. We were also a lot more low tech. We turned on our outside lights so the others could see we were up.

So, if you're a Canadian teenager, do yourself a favor. Register at SOGO Active. Get off the couch and do something. Instead of just watching that Olympic torch go by, you could be carrying it. How cool is that? You'll earn entries according to how active you are, and torchbearers are being chosen every month now. So the sooner you get active, the better your chances are. And you'll be having fun and feel better, too.


This program is a Coca-Cola initiative, executed by ParticipACTION.

Keeping Track of Teen Drivers

When Beth started driving, we saw on the news that some insurance companies offered special devices to install in teens' cars to monitor their driving. Our insurance company wasn't one of those, but we thought something like that would be really helpful. Beth, of course, thought it was more like spying.

The more I read about GPS tracking, the more I think it's a good idea. If just knowing that her driving is being monitored means a teen will drive more carefully, then that's a good thing. These can be set up to send emails or text messages whenever certain speeds are exceeded, when the vehicle leaves or exits certain locations, and other options that can be easily configured through the secure web portal. With the GPS installed, you can always locate the vehicle if you need to.

Live View GPS offers many GPS products for both personal and business use. There's no software to install, and it works from any computer with an internet connection. They offer guaranteed low prices and no long-term contracts. We may not have installed and used something like this with our first teen driver, but we're about to have another one, so it certainly can't hurt to look into how this can work for us.

Coping With the Drama

Having teenagers in the house, especially a teenage girl, is enough to cause anyone stress. Sometimes I wonder how anyone makes it through their teenage years, and I especially wonder how anyone makes it through their kids' teenage years. The problem is that it's easy to get caught up in the emotion of the moment and not handle things the right way. Just because you're the adult, you're the parent, doesn't mean it comes naturally or that you always know what to do.

I just read about this natural Magnolia supplement called AbsoluteCalm, and it's supposed to lower the stress response, almost immediately. All natural, no side effects, and it can help me keep calm in the midst of whatever whining, begging, teenage drama comes my way? It certainly sounds interesting. Often it seems that all the whining and drama is just a distraction from the real issue, and it would be better not to be distracted.

There's quite a bit of information on the website comparing the use of AbsoluteCalm with drugs like diazepam, which I really wouldn't want to try unless absolutely necessary. There are quite a few side effects with the drugs. Something natural, though, I would be more willing to try. The 30-day money back guarantee means there's nothing to lose.

A Day Late

The thing with having a teenager home for the summer, instead of in school, is that he sleeps in - to all hours. Since it's the first week of summer vacation, I haven't yet decided what time he should be getting up, so I've been letting him sleep until 10:30 or 11:00 - not so late in teenager world, I'm sure, but still late. On an ordinary day it wouldn't be that big a deal, but Mondays (yesterday) it really causes me problems.

The big problem is that Monday is laundry day. I need to get the laundry sorted and started fairly early in the morning and keep it going, so I can get everything washed, dried, folded, and put away by the end of the day. Now, when I have a teenager still in bed, that means I don't have his laundry, so I can't get the laundry going until much later in the day. So, the last load was still in the dryer when we went to bed last night. All the clothes I usually fold on Monday night didn't get folded until today. (Why is spellcheck telling me that didn't is spelled wrong?)

Yes, it all got done, but I just feel behind now.

I Want My Teen Driver to be Safe

Beth has been getting quite a bit of experience driving this winter, in all kinds of conditions. She has been driving on roads I wouldn't want to be on. I like to think she's a good driver, but I still worry about her. When she was on her learner's permit, we were always with her, and we could correct what she was doing or suggest a different approach. Not that she wanted to listen, because she already thought she knew it all. Now that she has her license and drives on her own, we can't be certain what she is doing, and the best we can do is always remind her to be careful, slow down, etc. She still doesn't want to hear it.

She has had a few friends who have gotten into car accidents. Thankfully, none of them was fatal, but some of them have been quite serious. Every time something like this happens we try to talk about it and hope she learns something - so she doesn't get into an accident herself. Teen Driving is the most dangerous activity teenagers engage in, but, because they're teenagers, they don't believe it will happen to them. That's something that happens to someone else.

Since we can't always be in the car with Beth, this little device called the Personal Mechanic would help us to know how she's really driving, and not just what she tells us. It plugs in under the steering wheel and records information from the car, then all that information can be retrieved by connecting to a computer and logging into the Personal Mechanic website. Armed with the hard facts, we could address how she is driving and hopefully help her to be a better driver. She thinks something like this is a big invasion of her privacy and that we have no right to 'check up' on her. The simple fact that she'd be aware that someone was checking up on her and paying attention to how she drives would probably make her more careful.

Unfortunately the Personal Mechanic is out of stock, so I can't check to see how much it costs to get one. On the other hand, how much is the life of my daughter worth?

brought to you by CarCheckup

Home Drug Testing

Some of Beth's friends take drugs, and, no matter how many times we've talked about drugs and what a bad choice they are making, she still defends them. In her mind, it's a choice they have a right to make - never mind that the drugs are illegal. For her part, she does seem to at least be smart enough to never want to become addicted to anything. I still worry sometimes, though, realizing how easy it would be for her to get drugs from her friends.

I admit I have gone online and looked up home drug testing kits, wondering if it would be a good idea. The tests I saw before were to test the urine for drugs, but apparently that is only accurate for a few days after drug use. Today I was reading about one I hadn't seen before, the Hair Confirm Home Drug Testing Kit. By testing a hair sample, they can get a 90-day drug history. Even occasional drug use will show up, where random urine testing might miss it. This ought to work as a pretty good drug prevention tool. If kids know the test will show any drug use in the past 90 days, they will surely think twice before even trying drugs - knowing they can't get away with it. Still, I'm torn over whether testing my kids for drugs is the right thing to do, unless I start seeing signs that really make me think they are taking drugs.